I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize