question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
