just tell him i said nine months
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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