well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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