Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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