the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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