How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
