The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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