so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
