Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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