You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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