Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
