walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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