Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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