i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
