FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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