i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize