This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize