I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm at about main and main street
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My vagina is very pro this idea
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
