He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
