I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
