I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
