She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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