I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize