PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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