True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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