you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
