what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize