Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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