4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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