dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
