carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
