dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
