I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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