We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
