In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You made out with two different species that night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
