so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
