How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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