I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
