the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
