from now on my penis is your penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
