girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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