I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
