I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
