it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
