I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
