How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
