Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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