If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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