Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
