Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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