I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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