Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
