I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sex in a hospital.. check
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
