Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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