Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
