If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize