In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
