Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
