I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who died my cat blue again?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
