tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm like, not good at living.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
