sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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