I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
