R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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