hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
