Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
